Another text input for small devices enters the stage (or the lounge, more on that later). Fastap is hoping for finger massage by exposing one button for each letter in the alphabet. Alphabetically. As in slow. As in finger jamming. As in enlarging the size of a gadget.

T9 is still my best bet, but what do they think themselves? I mean; the technologies? I present to you, the about to be mystified reader, a fake transcript from the text input lounge – starring Don “neither machine” Norman.
oid844

FADE IN ON

Intel congress at the lounge for text input technologies. Panning across the room, we see ten jetlagged technologies. Apart from a silent summing there is no sound in the lounge. It’s as if everyone is trying to recover from the trip.

A young boy, FASTAP, enters the room.

FASTAP Hello World! Am Fastap. Am the best. Am the fastest. Am tap-dancer. Am joking.

(Painful silence)

T9 (tired) Remember the old path dependency. Once you go, you’re stuck with it. Forever. Take the ol’ Qwerty. (Nods in QWERTY’s direction) Created to slow typists so the levers won’t jam (contemptuously stressing the word ‘levers’). As far as path dependency goes, I guess you could call me the qwerty keyboard of mobile devi.. (gets cut of by FASTAP)

FASTAP You wish! Market is different now. Besides, I can be learned in no time.

QWERTY (Waking up thanks to the cocktail party effect) Leave me alone, you sons of whoever your mums are. The typists thing is a hoax, so stop it. I may be too big for mobiles and I may not care. Millions take me for what I am. Daily.

T9 Gear Hear.

FASTAP Sorry. Don’t think I quite get what you’re saying?

T9 Split, for crying out love loud. You’re wasting everybody’s vine time. Too kate late, pal.

FASTAP (Desperate) I am alphabetically arranged! I require no knowledge in the head but grade school skills! Norman would agree.

NORMAN Mind if I quote? (Picks up book from brown bag, flicking while mumbling) Page 148. For experts, ASK (Dvorak) is best, followed by qwerty: alphabetical keyboards are quite inferior. Moral: Don’t bother with alphabetical keyboards.

FASTAP But that’s … not.. for.. mobile.. devices! Wake up, you…you. Scientist or whatever.

QWERTY Relax, dude. I’m on the latest Palm models and you know it.

NORMAN Could somebody ask him to leave? My point is this: Don’t bother with alphabetical keyboards. Fastap is one, so don’t bother.

FASTAP What are YOU doing here, anyway? It’s a text input only lounge. (Pointing at sign)

NORMAN Erh, I… Was invited by Dvorak.

DVORAK Guys…

QWERTY No. If it’s a trxt input lpunge, it’s a text input lounge. Sorry, Nirman.

NORMAN My name is Norman. (Exits frame)

QWERTY (To nobody) I did saui Nirman

FASTAP Good. Now; where’s Thumbscript? I’d love to compare.

DVORAK Thumbscript…Didn’t make it.

FASTAP Okay, guess I’ll see him at the next conference, then

DVORAK I said: Thumbscript didn’t make it. Frankly, I do not think you will, either. Take it from me.

..

Ehem. What am I doing? Are you still reading? This is weird. I think I am going to stop here.

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